The Princess was Saved

The princess was saved. The spaceship exploded. The map was found. Then the treasure was found. The boy and the girl kissed. The henchmen died en masse, but it was OK because the hero was more important and had nicer teeth. A new era began. That was tough toenails for the old era, which had thought it was doing pretty well. You could tell the hero, because he had white skin and nice teeth. You could distinguish the heroine by her desirable body. Sidekicks were usually one of the following: dwarf; alien; person of African descent (sassy preferred), person of Asian descent (speech impediment a plus), talking marmoset, talking dog, talking dragon (miniature), Joe Pesci, talking umbrella, God. The Father Figure gave advice. Then he died. The villain had it all sewn up, until he didn’t. The castle wall crumbled. The hyperdrive began working again at an opportune moment. The sword glowed. The eagles took everyone home free of charge. A joke was told, hearty laughter ensued, and time stopped, awaiting a sequel.

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One thought on “The Princess was Saved”

  1. as you can tell, I have about had it with the Hollywood-Disney-Dreamworx axis and the latent racism/sexism/ stupidity and plain old shitty storytelling that it traffics in. But hey, Movie X made 300 million dollars, so there’s your objective quality measure. Spllllt.

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