I Can’t Believe It’s Not Human!

A Human substitute, you say? Grown from fungus in a lab? Well, call me Mr. Skeptical, but I’ll try it. Hmm, it sure looks like the real thing. Watery eyes, spindly limbs, three-piece suit. Man, and it hollers when you bite into it, just like a real Human. Hold still, there, whoa! Mmm–mm and it’s juicy, too. Not dry, like those Soymans you get at the Fleshatorium. Oh, and the guts have a deep, umami richness to them. Say, this is good! Hand me a napkin, there, willya? I’ve got faux-blood running down my mandibles.  I can tell the texture’s a bit off, but otherwise, I give it high marks for authenticity.

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