From the Army Recruiting Board

Join the Army!

We will give you the skills to break rocks. With your perineum. Your Class-A Uniform has a badge that says ‘Inspected by No. 3.’ Your feet will learn to move in time with other, smarter feet. Your bayonet wil be clean and sharp, rated factor seven against infant flesh. In the motor pool is a talking egg. It will forecast your behavior and that of your intestines, should the two of you become separated. Your regiment will go on a practice march through the swamp. Then they will have a practice return. Sergeant Boyle lost his testicles to a witch, but he found them again, on the Black Market in Da Nang. They say the Colonel’s a mean ‘un. They say the generals are spools of tape on a forgotten cryptograph generator. I am Army Strong, I am Few, I am Proud, I am Mother’s Fist, a black drop in an ocean of oily smoke.

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